A study by The Society for Sex Therapy gives couples some useful insights they can use to improve their sex life.
The study surveyed 50 sex therapists and asked them from their experience working with couples what is the best length for sex, or more specifically, sexual intercourse.
According to the sex therapists, the best length for sex is between 7 and 13 minutes. The study described the lengths of sexual intercourse like this:
- 1 to 2 minutes of intercourse was “too short”
- 3 to 7 minutes was considered "adequate"
- 7 to 13 minutes was the most “desirable”
- 10 to 30 minutes of intercourse was “too long”
What are some lessons men and women can learn from this study and use to improve their own sex life?
For starters, this information should come as a big relief for men. It lets them know to be ‘most desirable’ in bed and satisfy their wife they don’t need to be the Energizer bunny.
This idea men have that they have to ‘keep going and going’ to please a woman is a male fantasy and not true in the real world.
Sure, it in nice to have long sessions of sex every once in awhile. But in the real world of work, family and life in general you set yourself up for major disappointment if you think this will happen often. You will have a lot more sex if you are practical about the amount of time you have for sex in real life.
This brings me to the second challenge men have with sex--men need sex and have a constant desire for it. Women have a difficult time understanding and accepting this about men. Ladies, I know what you are thinking. It took me awhile to understand and accept this fact about men and sex. Their need for sex is much different than a woman’s.
Sex is very important to a man. It is deeper than just the physical act and the pleasure he gets from it, much deeper. Because it is such a powerful experience, a man wants sex to last as long as possible (that is why they have this fantasy of sex lasting ‘all night long’). And they desire to have it as often as possible. Why do you think Viagra is used by men who don’t really need it?
Soon after a sexual encounter is over, a man begins to think about when he will have sex again.
Ladies you have to accept this about a man. It is not because he is some kind of pervert. It is a part of his male nature. It comes with the testosterone. If you think about it, you will appreciate the level of self control a majority of men exercise every day. They do this because they are good men.
Most men will deny this constant hunger and desire for sex if asked by their wife or girlfriend. They deny it because they don’t want the woman in their life to think they are some kind of pervert. But they feel its presence and manage it daily. Most men control it because they are good men and because they have love for a special woman. Ladies, please remember this fact about sex and your man. It is something that should be admired and appreciated.
Another thing men can learn from this survey is not only do they need to perform for around 7 minutes to please a woman; women, in most cases, don’t want them to perform for much longer than that. There are some very practical reasons for this which I will explain.
First, long sessions of sexual intercourse makes a woman sore ‘down there’ and less willing to ‘do it’ again soon. In other words guys, if you ‘bang her for hours’ it is going to be days or even weeks before she will be willing to ‘do it’ again. Better to 'do her' just right and often than over 'do her' and have to wait for her to recover.
Second, a woman’s awareness is diffuse—meaning a woman’s nature is such that her mind is constantly aware of multiple tasks or things that need her time and attention.
This is something men don’t understand. You see men have the ability to focus their attention to one task and put all their energy into accomplishing it. They don’t have to block out multiple demands for their attention, like women do. Men naturally focus on individual tasks. Women don’t have that luxury. We have this constant awareness of multiple things that need our attention. It takes effort for a woman to zero in on just one thing, such as having an orgasm. Ever notice how focused a woman looks when she builds up to her climax?
Men sometimes ask, “Why don’t women concentrate on sex?” The answer is: “we don’t concentrate.”
Shorter sex sessions allow a woman to enjoy sex more and allow her to have sex more often. I’m not talking about “wham, bam, thank you mam” one sided sex. A ‘most desirable’ sex session is one which includes enough foreplay to get a woman aroused, enough stimulation to bring her to at least one orgasm, enough intercourse to let her enjoy her femaleness and the feel of her man inside her, enough cuddling to make her feel loved and cherished, and finally, doesn’t go on so long as to make her sore or let her diffuse awareness interlope her enjoyment of the moment.
For a me the most desirable length for sex is one that last long enough for me to be sexually satisfied (which usually means 1 or 2 orgasms), let’s me feel the thrill of being a woman by satisfying my hubby’s sexual needs and feeling him inside me, allows some time for cuddling and does not make me sore. Nor does it take so long that it cuts into my sleep time (when we ‘do it’ at night) or interferes with my daily routine (when we ‘do it’ in the morning or afternoon).
After reading about this study, I began paying attention to my own ‘length for sex’ preference. I found my ‘most desirable’ length for sex fell in the 10-13 minute range for intercourse (sometimes a little longer if I want a third orgasm) with our total time including foreplay and cuddling to be between 20 and 30 minutes.
I am on the upper end of the ‘most desirable’ length time for intercourse as described by the study, probably because I have taught my body how to orgasm during intercourse and usually climax twice. Because my vaginal muscles are toned and responsive I don’t require a lot of thrusting from my hubby. I also pleasure him (and myself) using Kabbazah. This reduces the amount of thrusting too, so I rarely get sore even though we have sex 3 or 4 times a week on average.
This doesn't include my almost daily self-cultivation routine using my ezCOME pelvic exerciser. How do you think I became so orgasmic and sexually responsive?
A couple’s relationship can benefit tremendously by increasing the frequency of sex they share and focusing on the quality rather than the length. A man will get the sexual release he needs and the bonding he craves. A woman gets both physical pleasure and emotional connection and she gets that very important, but hard to describe, sense of female fulfillment that comes from being a sexually available and responsive mate. It’s one of the joys of being a woman.
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