What is the Most Desirable Length for the best sex? And why.

A study by The Society for Sex Therapy gives couples some useful insights they can use to improve their sex life.

The study surveyed 50 sex therapists and asked them from their experience working with couples what is the best length for sex, or more specifically, sexual intercourse.

According to the sex therapists, the best length for sex is between 7 and 13 minutes. The study described the lengths of sexual intercourse like this:

• 1 to 2 minutes of intercourse was “too short”
• 3 to 7 minutes was considered "adequate"
• 7 to 13 minutes was the most “desirable”
• 10 to 30 minutes of intercourse was “too long”
  

What are some lessons men and women can learn from this study and use to improve their own sex life?

For starters, this information should come as a big relief for men. It lets them know to be ‘most desirable’ in bed and satisfy their wife they don’t need to be the Energizer bunny.
This idea men have that they have to ‘keep going and going’ to please a woman is a male fantasy and not true in the real world.

Sure, it in nice to have long sessions of sex every once in awhile. But in the real world of work, family and life in general you set yourself up for major disappointment if you think this will happen often. You will have a lot more sex if you are practical about the amount of time you have for sex in real life.

This brings me to the second challenge men have with sex--men need sex and have a constant desire for it. Women have a difficult time understanding and accepting this about men. Ladies, I know what you are thinking. It took me awhile to understand and accept this fact about men and sex. Their need for sex is much different than a woman’s.

Sex is very important to a man. It is deeper than just the physical act and the pleasure he gets from it, much deeper. Because it is such a powerful experience, a man wants sex to last as long as possible (that is why they have this fantasy of sex lasting ‘all night long’). And they desire to have it as often as possible. Why do you think Viagra is used by men who don’t really need it?

Soon after a sexual encounter is over, a man begins to think about when he will have sex again.

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Ladies you have to accept this about a man. It is not because he is some kind of pervert. It is a part of his male nature. It comes with the testosterone. If you think about it, you will appreciate the level of self control a majority of men exercise every day. They do this because they are good men.

Most men will deny this constant hunger and desire for sex if asked by their wife or girlfriend. They deny it because they don’t want the woman in their life to think they are some kind of pervert. But they feel its presence and manage it daily. Most men control it because they are good men and because they have love for a special woman. Ladies, please remember this fact about sex and your man. It is something that should be admired and appreciated.

Another thing men can learn from this survey is not only do they need to perform for around 7 minutes to please a woman; women, in most cases, don’t want them to perform for much longer than that. There are some very practical reasons for this which I will explain.

First, long sessions of sexual intercourse makes a woman sore ‘down there’ and less willing to ‘do it’ again soon. In other words guys, if you ‘bang her for hours’ it is going to be days or even weeks before she will be willing to ‘do it’ again. Better to 'do her' just right and often than over 'do her' and have to wait for her to recover.

Second, a woman’s awareness is diffuse—meaning a woman’s nature is such that her mind is constantly aware of multiple tasks or things that need her time and attention.
This is something men don’t understand. You see men have the ability to focus their attention to one task and put all their energy into accomplishing it. They don’t have to block out multiple demands for their attention, like women do. Men naturally focus on individual tasks. Women don’t have that luxury. We have this constant awareness of multiple things that need our attention. It takes effort for a woman to zero in on just one thing, such as having an orgasm. Ever notice how focused a woman looks when she builds up to her climax?

Men sometimes ask, “Why don’t women concentrate on sex?” The answer is: “we don’t concentrate.”

Shorter sex sessions allow a woman to enjoy sex more and allow her to have sex more often. I’m not talking about “wham, bam, thank you mam” one sided sex. A ‘most desirable’ sex session is one which includes enough foreplay to get a woman aroused, enough stimulation to bring her to at least one orgasm, enough intercourse to let her enjoy her femaleness and the feel of her man inside her, enough cuddling to make her feel loved and cherished, and finally, doesn’t go on so long as to make her sore or let her diffuse awareness interlope her enjoyment of the moment.

For a me the most desirable length for sex is one that last long enough for me to be sexually satisfied (which usually means 1 or 2 orgasms), let’s me feel the thrill of being a woman by satisfying my hubby’s sexual needs and feeling him inside me, allows some time for cuddling and does not make me sore. Nor does it take so long that it cuts into my sleep time (when we ‘do it’ at night) or interferes with my daily routine (when we ‘do it’ in the morning or afternoon).

After reading about this study, I began paying attention to my own ‘length for sex’ preference. I found my ‘most desirable’ length for sex fell in the 10-13 minute range for intercourse (sometimes a little longer if I want a third orgasm) with our total time including foreplay and cuddling to be between 20 and 30 minutes.

I am on the upper end of the ‘most desirable’ length time for intercourse as described by the study, probably because I have taught my body how to orgasm during intercourse and usually climax twice. Because my vaginal muscles are toned and responsive I don’t require a lot of thrusting from my hubby. I also pleasure him (and myself) using Kabbazah. This reduces the amount of thrusting too, so I rarely get sore even though we have sex 3 or 4 times a week on average.

This doesn't include my almost daily self-cultivation routine using my ezCOME pelvic exerciser. How do you think I became so orgasmic and sexually responsive?

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A couple’s relationship can benefit tremendously by increasing the frequency of sex they share and focusing on the quality rather than the length. A man will get the sexual release he needs and the bonding he craves. A woman gets both physical pleasure and emotional connection and she gets that very important, but hard to describe, sense of female fulfillment that comes from being a sexually available and responsive mate. It’s one of the joys of being a woman.

Tricks Women Can Use to Make Having an Orgasm Easier

No it’s not that kind of trick.

Dr. Louanne C. Weston, a board certified sex therapist, explains that around 10 percent of women have never had an orgasm, either alone or with a partner. Some of these unfortunate ladies are smart enough to recognize the problem and seek a solution. The good news, according to Dr. Weston, is it is possible for a woman to learn to be orgasmic.

The most important thing a woman needs to know to make achieving an orgasm easier is to learn how to properly balance the amount of tension and relaxation during sex. You may be wondering how you can be both tense and relaxed at the same time.

The key thing to understand here is the difference between muscle tension and stress tension. Stress tension is the tightness in your neck, shoulders and sometimes your back caused by mental worries and life’s stresses. It is a good idea to relax and release the stress tension built up in your neck and shoulders with massage and relaxation exercises before sex. But trying to remain totally relaxed during sex will make having an orgasm difficult.

A woman needs a fair amount muscle tension to reach orgasm, especially when she is first learning how. Most women first learn to orgasm while tightening their leg, stomach and butt muscles. Once a woman learns to climax this way she will continue to need use these muscles to provide the tension she needs for orgasm until she learns a better and easier way.

The best orgasm inducing muscles for women to tense up are the muscles in her lower pelvic region. These are the same muscle used to stop the flow of urine. Developing conscience control of contracting or tensing these pelvic floor muscles makes getting the right amount of orgasm inducing muscle tension easy.

When the pelvic flour muscles are tensed or flexed the blood flow to the genitals increases. This not only increases a woman’s arousal, her increased awareness and control of these muscles heightens her sensitivity to sexual stimulation.

When a woman has correctly developed her pelvic floor muscles through regular pelvic exercise, using a pelvic exerciser such as the ezCOME (easy Clinical Orgasm Muscle Exerciser) not only can she consciously build the muscle tension and arousal needed to make her orgasm happen, she also enjoys greater unconscious pelvic muscle tension and contractions during sexual stimulation. Women with well developed pelvic floor muscle often enjoy many spontaneous orgasms during sex. This is a fact I can personally verify.

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Here is where the right kind of relaxation is important. A woman needs to learn to relax her mind during sex. She needs to block out the mental distractions, like the ones that give her the neck and shoulder stress tension mentioned earlier, so she can focus on the sensations of sexual pleasure.
The best way to get rid of orgasm blocking stress is to replace it with sex positive images and words. For example as she is being stimulated (either by herself or a partner) she can picture in her mind a passionate or erotic scene from her favorite romance novel or movie with her and her lover in the leading roles.

She can first picture in her mind the scene as if she is watching from a distance and then mentally change her perspective and imagine she is experiencing it in person.

Or she can repeat the words “This feels really good” and “ I can take as long as I need” in her mind as she is stimulated.

These techniques keep the mind occupied with thoughts that encourage sexual arousal and enjoyment and keep out negative thoughts. Think of it as daydreaming about sex during sex so you can enjoy sex.

Once the distracting thoughts have been replaced with sex positive thoughts, pelvic floor muscle contractions are added. With practice most women can learn to tense their pelvic floor muscles and build sexual orgasmic tension while letting their minds go silent. They are then free to be in the moment with their partner as they build up to one or several orgasms.

The physical and mental exercises described help many women having difficulty with orgasm. A medical condition or medications can also interfere with a woman’s orgasm ability. Ask your doctor for more information about these.

The sex therapist designed ezCOME strengthens pelvic muscles and increases orgasms.
It comes with a diet program designed to increase a woman’s libido and orgasms.

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